me.JUNE 3rd, 2006--- This was the last day that my dad stood for the final time. This was also Mindy and I's wedding day. A very proud man, who sucked up every ounce of pride he had later in the day when we went for our pictures, we tried to get him to stand for our group pictures, but his ALS ravaged body would not let him. I will remember this day til I die (along with two other instances I will share in a second). When his legs/arms failed him the first time, to get out of the wheelchari, he tried again, and he tried a third time...we offered to help, but in a sigh and almost a whimper of submission; he declined. ALS had taken one more thing away from this man, and on a day at which we had hoped he'd be able to dance one last time. That day at for our pictures, he stayed in his chair, not 1 hour before, in church at our ceremony, holding onto the pew, he stood for the last time. It is fitting that this very religious man's last stand, was in that place.
I will NEVER forget that day, it was such a happy day all around, but such a very sad thing to witness. The day I came in (Nov.2005) to see him on my birthday, and he went to raise his arms to give me a hug----they wouldnt' work. He started to cry, I did too a little bit..but as he and I always did, we just sluffed it off. We are very much alike, two very proud men, but we both knew that too was a significant day. Fast forward to the night before he died, as he we barely concious, on his breathing machine, in a somewhat vulnurable position, I helped my mother do some basic "care" tasks for him. I won't describe them, but I will just say that it absolutely broke my heart that he knew I was there doing/witnessing him in such a private manner. I am sure he appreciated me helping mom out, but I know the sense of embarassement this proud man would be feeling.
WHY TELL YOU ALL THIS? PERSPECTIVE, my favorite word.
There are things in your life, days, situations, little moments when you realize what is really important in life. I mean REALLY important, not like missing an appointment or not getting a job, or getting a flat tire on a rainy day.
You will learn more about me, if you don't know me already, but I often have people say "Wow, your story is so remarkable, you are legally blind and you do all the triathlon stuff, and you work (as if this should be some surprise).... " etc etc...
They often feel that because I suffer from a disease that merely robs me of my sight, that I should be some sort of deadbeat, or alcoholic (hey I love wine), or that I should be depressed, angry and bitter. I think, subconciously a long time ago I chose to do the opposite. I would like to believe this is because I wanted to prove to myself, my family and all the rest of the naysayers, that I was not a wuss, I was as tough as anybody out there, and a small cocky side of my took pride in sticking my toungue out at them for saying "you can't do that".
However with watching my father die from ALS, I gained a new perspective on my own situation; I would like to think I already had perspective that my life was pretty darn good anyhow, but now I got a new huge heap of it. I have said several times to newspapers, radio, etc.. that the most inspiring thing I have ever seen in my entire life was watching my father battle ALS. He faught with every ounce of his being in a fight he could not win; simply to stay around for us, as long as he could. That is guts, that is courage, that is pure and utter stubborness, that IS my father.
So, the message I would love you to keep in the back of your mind, on those crappy days, when nothing is going right, and you are just plain fed up..... "Perspective--how bad, REALLY, is my life?"
Hell, RP won't kill me (unless I get hit by a bus), but ALS has killed EVERY SINGLE person it has touched....I have no excuse not to fight.
The Blazeman Roll--started by Jon Blais (www.waronals.com) in 2005. A team of multisport athletes determined to raise money and awarness for ALS. My 2007 Ironman USA Lake Placid roll. Get used to seeing finish line pictures that look like this...
As you can tell, this is something I am passionate about...so don't tell me you CAN'T, or that your life has thrown you too many obstacles; I garuntee you that somewhere there is a silver lining in that cloud.
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Dude,
ReplyDeleteYou've really hit the ground running. This is a GREAT post. You will want to repost it once you have a bunch of readers....
It won't be long!
Meyrick
P.S. Have you emailed, facebooked, twittered everyone you know to tell them about your blog? Send it out to EVERYONE. There's nobody who won't get something from reading it.
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